Parenting Books I Love
These books reflect what I believe as both a parent and a psychologist: children are always developing and changing. Skills take time to develop. Independence is built step by step. And connection matters far more than perfection.
As parents, our time and energy are precious. I value research and theory, but in the messy moments of parenting, I need more than just the “why.” I need strategies I can use in the moment. The books I recommend do both — they explain the “why” and offer practical tools you can lean on every day.
With warmth,
Dr. Jessica Snowden Patel
Good Inside
by Dr. Becky Kennedy
This book is built on the idea that everyone is good inside. I like that it offers an alternative to reward-and-consequence approaches, which may work in the short term but don’t build lasting skills. Even when it does, it doesn’t teach real skills. Dr. Becky blends theory with practical strategies parents can use every day.
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My favorite part is her focus on our own triggers as parents. So many of our reactions come from patterns we learned in childhood. Recognizing this isn’t about blame — it’s about awareness and choosing new ways forward.
Autonomy-Supportive Parenting
by Emily Edlynn, Ph.D.
Emily was a grad school classmate of mine, and her book is both thoughtful and practical. The title can sound a little technical, but the message is simple: kids thrive when we find the right balance between giving them independence and setting boundaries. She explores everyday situations, like when to let a child switch activities and when to encourage them to stick with it.
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What I appreciate most is how she helps us notice when we might be stepping in too much. It’s easy for parents today to unintentionally step in too much, taking away chances for independence and decision-making. This book offers concrete ways to step back, while still being the safety net they need.
How to Raise an Adult
by Julie Lythcott-Haims
Julie is a former Stanford dean who lives right here in Silicon Valley, sometimes called the “peninsula pressure cooker.” She writes openly about the risks of over-scheduling and over-managing childhood and how universities, including Stanford, have fueled the problem by rewarding polished résumés over real-life skills. The result is that many young people arrive at college with strong transcripts but little problem-solving experience or sense of self.
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One of her most grounding exercises is her LinkedIn challenge. She suggests looking up people you admire and noticing where they went to college. It’s such a grounding reminder that there are many different paths to meaningful, successful lives, not just the shiny, high-pressure ones.
Raising Human Beings
by Ross Greene, Ph.D.
Ross Greene’s philosophy is at the core of how I practice: kids do well if they can. When a child isn’t doing well, the question isn’t ‘how do I make them try harder?’ but ‘what skills or supports are missing right now?’ and 'what’s getting in the way?' His Collaborative and Proactive Solutions model began with kids who showed explosive behavior, but the approach applies to everyone.
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What I love most is his emphasis on buy-in. Kids thrive when they feel like true partners in problem-solving. When they’re involved in finding solutions, they build the skills they need and feel capable. It shifts parenting away from power struggles and toward collaboration.