Understanding Communication Differences in Autism
Every child has their own rhythm and style of connecting. For autistic children, that style may not always match what others expect—but it is just as real and meaningful. Understanding these differences helps us see the effort behind communication and makes space for more authentic connection.
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Honoring Different Perspectives & Making Social Expectations More Clear
​Communication doesn’t have one “right” style. Some autistic children are expressive and animated. Others are more reserved or direct. Some love deep conversations, while others connect through gestures, scripting, or quiet presence. None of these approaches are wrong—they’re simply different ways of being social.
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But many social situations rely on unspoken rules—like how much eye contact to use, when it’s okay to speak, or how much detail is “too much.” Because these rules are rarely taught directly, children who process language literally or interpret cues differently can feel confused or discouraged.
The Double Empathy Problem
For a long time, communication differences were seen as difficulties within the autistic person. Newer research and lived experience show a fuller picture.
The Double Empathy Problem (a term by Dr. Damian Milton) describes how breakdowns often happen because autistic and non-autistic people experience and interpret the world differently. Both sides can feel misunderstood—not because anyone is wrong, but because their perspectives don’t automatically match.
This isn’t a one-sided issue. Both sides may feel confused or misunderstood—not because anyone is wrong, but because their ways of understanding and expressing are simply different.
How Miscommunication Can Impact Mental Health
When children repeatedly experience these kinds of misunderstandings, they may:
Feel unsure or confused about what they “did wrong”
Begin masking—hiding natural behaviors to fit in
Worry about future interactions
Experience anxiety, self-doubt, or emotional exhaustion
Over time, this can lead to autistic burnout, lower self-esteem, and a sense of not belonging—even when the child is doing their best to connect and follow the rules as they understand them.
Making the Unspoken… Spoken
​Most social expectations live in the background, assumed rather than explained. For children who thrive on clarity, spelling things out isn’t correction—it’s support.
Making hidden rules visible creates a bridge between your child’s natural communication style and the environments they’re navigating. Just as importantly, helping others understand your child’s way of connecting allows them to meet your child with curiosity rather than correction.
This isn’t about changing who your child is. It’s about making expectations more visible in a world that often assumes everyone shares the same “social rules.” And it’s just as important that others understand how your child communicates, so they can meet them with curiosity rather than correction.
Everyone Has a Role in Building Understanding
Supporting autistic communication isn’t about fixing how a child talks or interacts. It is about:
Helping them understand hidden expectations in a way that makes sense
Honoring their natural communication style while teaching strategies for tricky environments
Giving others insight into how your child shows care, curiosity, or connection
Protecting confidence and reducing anxiety by making the world more understandable—without asking your child to mask
Bottom Line
about Communication Styles in Autism
Autistic communication isn’t broken—it’s thoughtful, authentic, and often deeply insightful. Many autistic children are working hard to participate and connect, even when the expectations feel invisible, inconsistent, or overwhelming.
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When we slow down, explain clearly, and stay open to each other’s perspectives, we help children feel safe, seen, and successful—just as they are.